Anyone who reads my blog knows that I’m a huge fan of rock n roll. So I was thinking, why not incorporate my two loves; music and women (if you need help with the latter click here), into one article! Ta-daaaaaa! Ok but lets go over the facts for this article.
1. This is my personal list and is therefore correct no matter what you think.
2. Ranking is not based purely on looks. There are other factors which will be explained for each choice.
3. This list is based on female rockers in their prime, not necessarily present day versions of them, but I’ll probably get into that too.
4. I don’t care how hot they are, if their music sucks shit then so do they.
Alright, good. So who made the number five spot?
Now, most people would argue that Emmylou Harris isn’t rock at all, and they’re kind of right; Emmylou did mostly folk and country songs. But she also played with groups like The Band and Neil Young, who very much ARE rock, and are also two of my all-time favourite in the genre. This allows her to be eligible through association, but also because she’s fucking hot. Actually, young Emmylou Harris wasn’t really that amazingly hot, I mean she definitely had the girl next door thing going on, and I would definitely make a move on a girl that looked as hot as she did, but compared to the others on this list, she’s pretty plain.
The reason she’s on this list is because she has one quality that is ideally suited for it; she’s aged amazingly. In fact she may be the hottest old lady I’ve ever seen next toJessica Lange about 10 years ago. Look at this shit:
Keep in mind she’s about 63, even up close in HD she looks good. She’s actually an extremely talented performer as well, listen to her perform Evangeline, a song coincidentally about my people; the Acadians, with The Band. Sexy voice!
Her prime year? I actually think she got hotter as she got older, so whenever this picture was taken:
Would I do her now? Most definitely. It’s not really even for the glory on this one either, I mean there would be a lot of glory involved, but I’d probably enjoy this one just for the mad gilf-dom.
The front woman of one of my favourite bands of all time; Fleetwood Mac. Fleetwood Mac is kind of a guilty pleasure because its a band that everybody seems to like and they tend to get a tremendous amount of recognition and praise, a lot more than I think they deserve considering they really only had a couple of good albums while they were together (Although rumours is a fucking masterpiece). But this list isn’t about ranking bands for their contribution, it’s about HOT WOMEN! And Stevie really had that shit going for her.
Unfortunately, when the mac broke up and she went solo in the 80?s she gained some weight and decided to embrace the 80?s style of overdoing everything along with incorporating some weird black magic wicca aspect into her image that just made her come across as creepy.
With Stevie I’d say her youngest years are her best, early to mid 70?s being her hottest years, actually I’d say she was more attractive in her Buckingham Nicks days even though nobody really knows her from that period. She seemed to get more and more fucked as the years went on, and it’s evident in her style, demeanor and music.
Would I still do her now?
She’s aged pretty decently compared to some of the other women on this list, and has that “my friend’s mom” kind of look to her. Although she still has that cold, crazy bitch look on her face all the time, which scares me. She seems like someone who might kill you in your sleep, or use you as some sacrifice in a spell for an evil entity or something. It would be cool to fuck a sorceress though, so yeah, if I had a few drinks I would probably go for it.
Oh yeah, the reigning queen of balls to the wall female rockers. Joan Jett has no competition when it comes to being a physical manifestation of every male (and female!) hard rock fan’s wet dream. Thekind of woman that would pull up in a trans-am, scowl at you as she emerges from the car in black leather, take a long drag of her cigarette, grab the back of your head, kiss you violently, exhale her drag, then punch you in the face. Fuck I just got a boner…
Jett gets bonus points for NEVER selling out, and being true to herself her entire career. Joan Jett is Joan Jett, she isn’t a constructed image, or a gimmick to sell records, she’s herself, and that makes her even hotter.
Her prime year would probably be when she left the Runaways and went solo, so around 1979. Unfortunately she was also affected by the 80?s and managed to overdue things a bit later on, even for her.
Would I still do her now?
Well, I almost did a couple years ago. If I had another chance though…uhh she would probably be my last pick out of all the women on this list in their current forms, but that’s only because I’m not really into women that are built like a brick fuckin shit-house.
But yeah if I had the chance again, I’d probably do it.
Oh man! Debbie Harry, the lead singer of the influential 70?s pop band “Blondie”, is one of the most iconically beautiful women of the past few decades. If you look at the hipster movement today, or any of those American Apparel ads plastered on bus stops and subways that seem to have been inspired by it, it’s easy to see the influence she’s had on several generations of women and popular culture. Blondie transcended a number of different genres going from candy coated pop to funk infused reggae and eventually even rap, yes you read that correctly, and I’ve yet to see a white girl to this day attempt that professionally. Blondie inspired and really pushed forward the idea that a leading woman in a band could do more than simply look pretty; although Debbie was great at that too.
Why she’s on my list: Her contribution to music and popular culture alone would be enough to warrant it, but did I mention she’s FUCKING HOT. Look at this!
She also has that feminine confidence that really translates well through her pictures and her music, something I personally find incredibly attractive. She’s pretty down to earth in interviews too, and seems like someone you could just go have a drink with. If were talking prime years here I’d say 1978; that’s when Blondie first started getting a lot of mainstream success and when she was probably her hottest.
Would I still do her now?
Oh man, she’s pretty old. Still looks amazing for her age mind you, but she’s got this Anne Murray thing going on now with her look that, frankly, disgusts me to the point of inverting my penis. Having said that, yeah I’d still probably go for it given the opportunity…FOR THE GLORY!
UPDATE: Apparently she just got a bunch of surgery done and looks pretty hot.
Ann & Nancy Wilson
Fuck yeah! I picked 2! They’re sisters and they’re both in the same band, so I can only give them one spot —- BON(er)US!!
Ann & Nancy Wilson are of course, the two defining members of the band Heart, and there was a time when they were the two hottest women on the planet, no joke. Most people associate Heart with their 80?s image and picture these two extremely 80?s corporate looking jokes of hotness. It’s almost as if they were making fun of themselves because in the 70?s when they were doing their own thing they were fucking AMAZINGLY hot.
Ann doesn’t really photograph as well as Nancy, but watch her in motion in this video:
Now not only were Ann & Nancy both ridiculously hot in the 70?s, but they could also fucking ROCK. I’m actually more enamoured with Ann because she has this incredibly attractive way of expressing herself when she sings, it’s like a confidence thing, like she doesn’t care if she makes ugly face expressions because she’s just singing as hard as she can. Crazy hot! She’s also basically the female equivalent of Robert Plant, who most would agree is the most impressive rock singer of all time. I’ve heard Heart cover Zeppelin, and it rocks, Ann can almost out-Plant Plant. Not that Heart didn’t have a number of their own rockin songs, check this one out, and I dare you to not fall in love with Ann by the end:
Prime year: I’d say 1976, that’s the year the two videos above were from. Ann doesn’t have too many years when she was crazy hot, she teetered back and forth with her weight and her looks, so her prime years are more like prime months of certain years. It gets really complicated in the 80?s, then in the 90?s she ballooned and it just gets ugly.
Would I do them now?
Uhhh, well Nancy is married to Cameron Crowe, who made Almost Famous, one of my favourite films so I can’t really have her out of respect. But Ann…yeah Ann is still pretty big, but I think she got her stomach snipped or something so maybe she’s lost a bunch of weight and is hot again. It’s always a gamble with Ann…but yes I would go for it, she’s too much of a legend not to.
Who did I miss?